**Attention Overworked Business Owner**
Stand Out With 190-Proof Copywriting
Hire me to write the most intoxicating copy your customers have ever seen, and I’ll buy you a beer (sometime).
AS TRUSTED BY:
Get Copy That No One Wants to Unsee
It seems like 90% of the content I read is mostly, “[random noun] is so [too many verbs], blah, blah, blah.” Mindless droning on and on, reusing variations of descriptive words, does nothing to engage readers – It makes people want to kick puppies.
My mission is to make your blog, email, or website copy so captivating that future generations will compare it to a Quentin Tarantino film (aim high, right?).
Entice Your Customers to Willingly Give You Their Money… Today.
At some point, you’ve read a blog post or some form of web copy that bored you so deeply that you had to take an Aspirin after reading it. If your blog or site is even just a bit stale, all it does is repel your potential customers.
Here’s How You Can Step It Up.
Take advantage of writing services that can take your business from “ho-hum” to mind-meltingly badass.
Let me write engaging, memorable website copy and content that makes your visitors beg for more. If you’re ready to see results, request a quote today.
Blog Posts
Get business blog posts that boost traffic and stick to the reader like that goddamn dryer sheet on the inside of your pillowcase. Let’s keep your readers excited about what you’re going to say next.
$300+ per post
Landing Pages
Give people a first impression that makes them frantically search for their wallets or pawn grandma’s wedding ring to hand over the proceeds. If that’s not happening, something ain’t right.
$500+ per page
Email Copy
Millions of emails get exactly zero attention because nothing screams, “Mr. Pickle! (replace with the fake name the subscriber entered in your form) Our offer will make your life better.” Let’s give ’em what they need.
$100+ per email
Press Releases
Do you have exciting news to share with the world? Give me the subject, and I’ll give you the words to spread the message…with a lightning-quick turnaround. At times you’ve got to speak louder, you know? – I’m not bashful.
$200+ per release